Positive and negative emotions in communication
Communication is an integral part of our lives. All people feel the need to communicate. And why? Of course, someone can answer that it is just a necessity and nothing more. Then why is it more pleasant for us to communicate with some people, we express sympathy for some, and hate or feel disgust for some. Then a new question arises, and why does all this happen.
The answer is “Emotions”. Every day, when we encounter different things, we react to them joyfully, sadly, positively or negatively. Each event evokes certain feelings in us. Emotions play a special role during communication. Communications can be of different types, but during each we feel certain responses of our soul to the topic of conversation or the interlocutor.
During communication, each person must learn to express their emotions and feelings appropriately, taking into account the attitude of others and the situation, as well as recognize the feelings of other people, give them the opportunity to express themselves and help them express their feelings. Such skills are a very complex task, which is very difficult to learn, but necessary, since successful communication, successful achievement of one's goals and positive attitude towards us of other people depend on this. Thus, this work is devoted to positive and negative emotions, the ability to show and recognize them in other people during communication.
The communication process and emotions
The communication process is actually a very complex interaction that causes us, the participants in the conversation, certain reactions to the topic of communication or our communicator. Thus, the communication process contains eight components: communicators (persons between whom communication takes place), communication goals, relationships that are subject to certain rules, two-way influence, verbal and non-verbal messages, communication channels, context and result.
It is also worth noting that communication involves, in addition to expressing a message, feedback. That is, there is a two-way interaction. Two-way influence means that each person during communication is under the influence of others and at the same time influences them himself. During communication, each participant expresses information about his attitude to the message with his face or body.
Communication skills have been given many definitions in recent years. One of them is that a competent communicator is an individual who has basic knowledge of the principles of communication, but may not demonstrate them in interaction. Another, most acceptable, definition is that the ability to communicate is the ability to act in accordance with the specifics of the situation or conditions of communication. This ability combines a set of communication skills that can be studied, improved in practice and developed.
Communication skills can be improved by improving communication skills and acquiring new ones. Despite the specificity of each communication, there are general skills that can help navigate in any situation.
Communication skills can be divided into five general components that determine the communication process: symbolization, processing, adaptation, control and expression.
Symbolization is used to create a message using verbal and nonverbal symbols. Processing is the mental activity that communicators use to understand these symbols and to imagine how the symbols they use will affect others. Adaptation is the ability to modify behavior depending on the context, relationships, and participation of individuals in the interaction. Control allows you to influence the interaction process and other participants, but in such a way that you can direct the conversation in a direction that is positive and beneficial for all parties.
The final component of communicative competence is expression, which includes recognizing your own feelings and the ability to perceive and recognize the feelings expressed by others.
There are three types of expression skills:
1. Expressing your own emotions.
2. Recognizing and understanding the feelings of others.
3. Encouraging others to express emotions.
A feeling is a specific emotional state – anger, sadness, fear, despair, anxiety, joy, and many others. When you say “I am angry because…” or “I feel bad when…”, you are expressing emotions and feelings.
When you can identify the feelings of others and adjust your behavior accordingly, you are recognizing feelings. Statements about identifying feelings (“I know you are angry with me”) help to confirm the idea of others' feelings about you. Also, statements such as “That can really upset you” or “That could scare me too” show that you understand the feelings of your interlocutor.
Finally, communication ability is characterized by encouraging others to express emotions at least in those situations in which such a display of emotions would be considered appropriate. Being a good listener is one way to help others feel comfortable talking about their feelings, especially when sharing them is risky or difficult for the person because of emotional distress. Describing your own feelings in an appropriate situation can also encourage others to share their feelings with you.
Like the other four categories of communication skills, emotional expression skills can help you come closer to understanding the other people in your life. Being able to successfully connect with others is the most important part of communication skills.
Expressing Emotions
The understanding of communication skills is often based on a person’s ability to express emotions. Competent communicators are able to recognize both their own emotions and those of others. They understand that some situations call for the open expression of feelings, while others do not.
Most interactions between people boil down to a superficial exchange of greetings. But competent communicators typically use three skills: expressing personal feelings, recognizing the feelings of others, encouraging others to express their feelings by revealing their own feelings, and expressing empathy.
Expressing personal feelings
The ability to express feelings to others is the first step. The phrase “I feel proud of what I did” expresses feelings directly to others. The phrase “Some people will be angry because of what I did” does not.
A competent communicator does not prevent himself from expressing negative feelings, such as anger, disappointment, or disgust, but rather expresses any feelings. When you begin to identify with people and situations, it creates certain feelings in you. This information can contribute to understanding both others and yourself.
Recognizing Feelings
A potentially difficult skill is the ability to recognize the feelings expressed by others and to understand that they have a right to feel those feelings, even negative ones. When your child starts to blush, stomp his feet, flail his arms, and cry, you may identify this behavior as anger. By interpreting his behavior in this way, you should understand that your child has a right to feel angry. This understanding becomes really difficult when the anger is directed at you directly.
Recognizing and understanding the feelings of others is an important step in being emotionally close to them. The degree to which you can share your feelings and understand others determines the closeness and intimacy of your relationship.
Encouraging Emotional Expression
There are several useful ways for a listener to help the other person share their feelings with you, which will be discussed in more detail below. Encouraging emotional expression includes two communication skill subtypes: self-disclosure and empathy.
Disclosing your emotions involves voluntarily sharing personal information about yourself, another person, relationship, or situation with someone that the other person would not otherwise know. The information should be so personal that you would not feel comfortable sharing it with many other people. By sharing your name, job title, or favorite color, you are not revealing yourself. When you disclose, you help others better understand your views. When you share information about what you are thinking or feeling, you are giving others a better understanding of your perspective or view of reality.
Because sharing personal information generally involves some risk, you may want to disclose only a portion of it at this time. You may also want to consider the impact of your disclosure on your listeners. If you tell them that you were arrested for shoplifting when you were a young man, you may notice shock and disapproval from your listeners. If so, you may want to wait until your relationship is closer before you reveal that you are still tempted to steal. By sharing only part of your feelings and part of your experience at a time, you give the recipient a chance to think about what you have said and respond to your comments. You also allow them to evaluate each disclosure in the context of your relationship and other pieces of information they have previously heard from you. When you are open with others, you show them that you trust them not to use this information in ways that could harm you or your relationship. By demonstrating your trust in others, you help them to trust you. As they begin to trust you, they are more likely to share personal information with you, making the process of disclosure mutual. Finally, your mutual trust will improve your communication skills.
You can also encourage others to express their feelings by showing them that you understand their feelings or have felt similar feelings in the past. This specific type of self-disclosure is called empathy.
Empathy, or the ability to share the feelings of others, is a key aspect of human relationships and communication. When you empathize, you experience positive or negative emotions in the same way as the other person, and you understand their unique situation. Empathy is one of the most powerful communication skills.
A few years ago, Karen’s family lost two dogs in a fire. Her family, who were typically dog lovers, considered their pets to be family members, so the tragedy had a profound impact on them. As Karen described the loss and the family’s reaction to Phil, she saw tears in his eyes, which suggested an understanding of their pain from the loss. Phil’s ability to imagine Karen’s pain demonstrates his ability to empathize. His tears were one way he expressed empathy.
The extent of your experience allows you to imagine the situations of others, and you can also imagine possible behaviors in certain situations with others that you have not experienced yourself. The less information you know about people, the less experience you have, the harder it will be for you to gain an accurate understanding of the feelings or behaviors of others.
Part of expressing empathy is using language effectively. If you have a large vocabulary and use it appropriately, you are more likely to express empathy. Language allows you to express your mental representations and different points of view. The better your language skills are, the more images you can imagine, and the more images you can create, the better you can feel the feelings of others. In fact, clarity lies between empathy and intelligence, a characteristic that a person is often judged by their language skills.
Expressing empathy is one of the most difficult communication skills, and it is a difficult skill to learn. Although you can successfully find your way in some social situations without expressing empathy to others, empathy is an essential element in relationships and communication skills.
Communication also allows people to express their emotions and show understanding of the feelings of others. When you express anger or sadness or send a letter of sympathy, you are automatically engaging in the process of expressing emotions. When you encourage others to share their feelings with you, you do so by sending or receiving a message.
In short, messages give you the opportunity to express what you feel and think to someone else. They also allow you to share the thoughts and feelings of others. When your message is clear to the recipient and appropriate, taking into account your previous relationships, you will come to be considered a skilled communicator.
Listening and Expressing Emotions
Listening can be an important way for communicators to encourage others to express their feelings. When you listen, you show that you are open to others revealing their feelings. Of course, not every interaction will require you to understand the communicator’s current feelings. When someone tells you the way to the library, you don’t need to ask how they are feeling. On the other hand, there are times when you simply need to show that you understand the other person’s feelings, such as when your friend calls to tell you a sad story.
When someone needs to solve a problem, there are usually feelings that need to be expressed. So, one part of the listener’s role is to respond to the message, and the other part is to help the other person determine which feelings are actually relevant to the problem and which are simply being expressed.
In some cases, recognizing true feelings is a real challenge. That is, the spoken message may only be a springboard for discussing real feelings. For example, Zhenya’s boss only looked at her candidacy when determining who to give a more important task to. As a result, Zhenya felt ignored, began to believe that she was mistaken about her abilities, and, as a result, ceased to be satisfied with her work. At some point, Zhenya may have needed a listener so that she could “let off steam” with her boss. But more important for Jenny was probably the need to find someone who would listen to her story about her negative self-image and how she could change the situation.
There are two key elements to remember when someone comes to you with a problem and needs to talk it out. First, everyone has their own perspective on the problem. If Louise tells you, “I’m the worst student,” and you know that her GPA is high, your goal as a listener is not to bring her back to your reality. Louise believes that she has reasons to feel bad and to think of herself as a bad student.
Second, people have the skills to solve their own problems. This is manifested in the fact that they develop plans for how to cope with disappointments or failures, in this way they learn to develop solutions to problems, begin to be confident in themselves and feel independent. Therefore, listeners who try to ignore the feelings of others when solving their problems or who start arguing about their vision of reality become mere talkers, not listeners, even though they can reach a solution much more quickly that way.
Instead of expressing a solution to the problem, the listener may rephrase, reflect, or share feelings in order to help others talk about their problems. There are several unproductive ways to respond to statements like Louise’s “I’m the worst student”:
• ignore others’ feelings: “Oh Louise! I had such a hard test today. Didn’t I tell you?”
• deny others’ feelings: “You’re a good student, Louise. And don’t start that song again”;
• shame others for their feelings: “You know, if you weren’t so insecure or if you studied better, you wouldn’t have these thoughts”;
• put others down for their feelings: “Oh no! Why are you starting that old song again? Can’t you ever forget about it?”
• offer your own solution to someone’s problem: “I think you should talk to your teacher and start studying harder”;
• argue with others about their feelings: “You shouldn’t feel that way. Sarah and I know you’re a good student because you got good test scores”;
• interpret the feelings of others: “You just said you were angry with your parents because they are going to get divorced, and you want to hurt them.”
Any of these techniques can make the other person defensive, withdrawn, and closed off. It will be harder for them to find a way to make the right decision, and they may stop considering you as their best friend. Although these seven techniques are acceptable in some situations, they generally do not contribute to deepening the friendship between the two people.
How, then, should the listener respond to show others that they are being listened to and cared about? One way involves giving feedback to the other person by reflecting what they have heard and seen in your own mind. You can do this by paraphrasing the essence of the message they have heard. When you paraphrase, you are putting the message into your own words. Although Louise’s message is quite short, it can be rephrased as follows: “Do you feel bad about the way you study?”
When using paraphrasing, be careful not to add additional information to the original message. For example, the phrase “You feel like a failure because you got a low score on the test” is outside of the information that Louise has communicated.
When paraphrasing, you should use your turn to speak to show that you are listening. If she agrees with your paraphrasing, the discussion can move on to a deeper level. If she disagrees with the paraphrasing (“No, it’s not about my studies, it’s about my relationships with other students in the class”), then you can easily correct the previous misunderstanding.
Another way to respond to others’ expressions of emotion is to reflect the feelings that you think the other person may be feeling. “Louise, you seem depressed” may encourage Louise to comment further on her feelings. If she continues, you may realize that her depression is due to something other than her perception of herself as a bad student.
When you reflect feelings, you share an understanding of what the other person is feeling: “You seem upset,” “You seem really happy when you say that.” Again, if the person disagrees with your description of their feelings, you have another chance to clarify what the other person is feeling.
A third way of listening productively that can provide feedback without judging the other person is to share your own feelings with them. You can share the feelings you are really feeling at the moment: “When you said that, I started to feel confused too.” Can you share the thoughts that you would have in a similar situation: “I would feel very lonely if my family went on vacation without me.” Both cases demonstrate that you understand the information communicated without evaluating the emotions of the interlocutor. The advantage of these three methods of responding to the message is that you do not impose your vision of reality on the interlocutor. When you ignore the feelings, argue, shame the feelings of the interlocutor, you create an atmosphere of misunderstanding between you, causing the communicator to become withdrawn.
Expressing Emotions in Small Groups
Groups that operate within certain standards and norms believe that the feelings of their members are an important source of information for the group. During the course of any group's existence, its members experience a variety of feelings, including frustration, intolerance, boredom, excitement, enthusiasm, anger, restlessness, and others. An effective group must develop norms to encourage the expression of such feelings.
The feelings and emotions of group members that arise during a group discussion affect the successful achievement of the group's goal or the involvement of its members in the group's attempts to analyze problems. If Lou behaves impatiently during group activities, his participation may have negative consequences. In a group whose normative model considers such behavior acceptable and allows the manifestation of such emotions, this may be tolerated. A less competent group will force its members to keep their feelings to themselves or not to support the feelings of the participants with remarks such as “Don’t be so confused.” One of the most common misconceptions of such a group regarding its activities is that they believe that group members must leave all their feelings outside in order to be able to work rationally in the group.
The standard of acceptance of feelings in the group assumes that feelings and emotions are an integral result of group interaction. It also notes that feelings are easier to deal with if they are accepted rather than forbidden. Differences are a source of creative activity in the group, they are natural and necessary. When there are differences, there are also feelings. The group has two ways of working: to prohibit feelings, and they will still remain and hinder the progress of the group, or to use feelings in the group, thus the group will move forward.
So, from all of the above, the following conclusions can be drawn. Expression is a component of communication ability, which includes the ability to share personal feelings and help others tell about their feelings.
Expression of feelings is a description of someone's emotional state to other people.
Feelings are certain emotional states.
As can be seen from the work, emotions are a very important, integral part of any communication. They determine our behavior and the attitude of other people towards us. That is, all interactions in society are accompanied by the expression of emotions.
Expression can be direct or indirect, depending on the situation in which communication takes place and the previous relationships between communicators. Expression is divided into three components: expressing one's own emotions, recognizing the feelings of others, and encouraging others to express emotions. In turn, encouraging the expression of emotions has two subcategories. These are the disclosure of one's own feelings and empathy.
It is worth noting that the emotional component of communication is a very important part of this process. The ability to express emotions and understand the feelings of others is difficult to learn, but it is necessary so that you can find your way to every person's heart and be considered a truly skilled communicator.