Child abuse and violence
The range of sexual stimulations directed directly at the child is quite wide - from flirtatious flirting to attempts at incestuous behavior, from disguised eroticism to direct temptations or provocations on the street, in one's own home. The frequency of such cases should not be overestimated, but each of them deserves attention. Signs of attention that are seductive cause a contradictory complex of experiences in the child: they flatter, excite, pleasant, but they also disturb, can worry and oppress. It is difficult for the child to allow this contradiction: he cannot help but react, not to weaken, and even more so - to realize the emerging emotional and sexual tension. Sensually - erotic stimulations do not meet the child's current needs, he is not ready for this side of life and finds himself at the risk of premature stimulation of sexual behavior. The tension increases as the stimulating adult sometimes gives the child his attention, then refuses it and the satisfaction of new, stimulated needs.
Adults do not always realize the significance of their behavior for children. The mother's desire to tie her son to herself, which is not at all connected with sexual stimulation, creates a situation when, fearing "cutting the emotional umbilical cord" between herself and the child, she involuntarily suppresses the features of masculinity in him. Some experts directly raise the issue of seductive and even incestuous mothers. The terminology seems redundant, but the phenomena behind it require attention. Most often these are mothers who live alone with their son. They either lead a fairly free life, or have one or two "friends", but the children are involved in all the vicissitudes of their lives. Many of such women are emotionally unstable, alcoholic. They constantly show sensual attention to their children, hug and kiss them a lot, are overly attentive to their children's observance of genital hygiene and manifestations of their sexual development, close physical contact (for example, sleeping together) is not excluded, they tend to warn too strongly against the dangers of seduction and introduce children to such situations in too much detail. They may behave with a boy whose sexuality is already awakening, as if he does not yet "understand" - undressing and changing clothes in front of them, not controlling their postures and gestures enough. Some allow their sons to help them change clothes, freely or involuntarily encourage them to caress their bodies (for example, breasts), sometimes using them as a means of "consoling" a son who is upset about something. This does not come to genital contact, but the combination of stimulation with the inability to relieve it can plunge the boy into a state of chronic frustration. Mothers cannot understand this internal conflict, nor can they be critical of their own behavior, humming their son or complaining to others about his "depravity." Boys perceive this quite painfully, as do expressions such as "my little lover." Contact with the mother - this only close person - is disrupted or is threatened with disruption. Gloom, distrust, sometimes passivity, often coexist in such children with outbursts of sexual behavior, which are often expressed in socially undesirable or conflicting forms. Such unintentional sexual stimulation, which is not recognized by the mother and child, is difficult to detect and analyze, poses the child's educators and doctors with the difficult task of finding adequate and effective corrective measures.
Unintentional sexual stimulation can also be found in some families (quite prosperous, with a sufficient level of culture), where parents, with good intentions, strive to master an ultra-modern, but distant attitude to sex: following such "progressive recipes", they may try to demonstrate their nudity, to draw attention to it. This often leads to an increase in internal tension with more or less explicit sexual-erotic ideas in both them and the child. In children, depending on the sex, character, stage of sexual development, etc., this can be discharged either in infantile behavior or in sexually aggressive actions.
Incestuous relationships between parents and daughters are quite rare, but their probability is increased in families where the parents are psychopathized, primitive, and alcoholic. During the period of disclosure of incest, girls may experience acute neurotic and even psychotic reactions. Painful The experiences are also intensified by the collapse of the home, associated with the arrest or expulsion of the father. In cases of disclosure of incest, it is better not to leave the girl in direct contact with the father, and in the case of a sharply conflict situation in the house, it is more useful to temporarily place her in a good boarding-type institution or with the mother's relatives. This may be preceded, if necessary, by outpatient and inpatient care in connection with mental reactions and disorders. It is desirable to be observed by an experienced psychiatrist or psychologist during this period. Possible medical care (according to real indicators, not "just in case") includes a combination of tranquilizers with mild antidepressants.
Attempts at violence against children (more often these are girls 6-11 years old, but sometimes boys) are an exceptional event, but always requiring the attention of a doctor. Physical traumatization of the child is associated with genital manipulations, which accompanies either sexually self-destructive aggression of a sadistic type, primitive tendencies. A girl who is found after violence is usually in a state of reactive excitement, sometimes stupor, caused by the suddenness and cruelty of what happened (the sexual nature of the event is less realized). After several hours of calming down, repeated reactions of a hysterical or hysteriform type may develop: sobbing, attempts to hide or run away, panic reactions to attempts at help. A child's confused account of what happened is natural and does not mean that he is lying or fantasizing; later, the stories of the survivor of violence are even less informative, and information can be obtained only with skillful and delicate questioning.
The injured child should be returned to his normal life as soon as possible and without hospitalization. At first, the child should not be left alone for a long time, but as soon as the reactions and experiences of fear are overcome, it is necessary to expand the free regime, trying to bring it closer to normal. The doctor should recommend and help the mother to prepare the child for meeting children, neighbors, teach them to answer questions, saying, for example, that they tried to attack her, but she ran away or screamed and that the attacker ran away, or that the parents forbade her to talk about it. In cases of serious shock with long-term persistence of reactive experiences, widespread awareness of what happened, neighbors and acquaintances can be recommended to change their place of residence. The position of the parents is also very important for the normalization of the child's condition. They should be very restrained and careful in supervising the child, not to express suspicions about him, not to "get stuck" on what happened for a long time and not to discuss it constantly using condemnatory and emotional expressions. This can cause the child, especially if there is an element of some personal freedom in his behavior with the rapist, a feeling of anxiety and guilt. The same applies to children who experienced not only fear, but also incomprehensible pleasant sensations and emotions during violence. The above does not mean that explanations are inappropriate in general, but they must be adequate in content and dosage.
The doctor's position obliges him to be able to explain situations of increased risk of corruption and violence, which are facilitated by conditions (in particular, blind trust in all close and "good" people). Parents should also be aware of the "habits" common to subjects prone to pedophilia, which are expressed in attention to other people's children with an excessive tendency to befriend them, organizing small groups of several children around them and trying to "tame" them in order to later count on their consent to go somewhere, travel, etc. Direct violence is usually committed in uncrowded places or at a suitable time when it is difficult to be captivated.
Parents should, by the age of 5-6, explain to the child, without intimidating him, that not all elders are good, that some may have bad intentions, which means that one should not be too trusting of invitations from strangers, and if a stranger is very persistent in this - one should run away or call for help.