How to raise a real man
Nature has clearly defined the purpose of a man in this world, and it is very different from the role that nature has assigned to a woman. A man moves life forward, and therefore he is more active, it is natural for him to break established rules - and how else can you create something new? A woman is primarily a guardian, her task is to preserve what is and what appeared thanks to a man, and not only preserve, but also pass it on to the next generation. And for this, one often has to put up with something, to be docile - that is why girls have fewer problems with the discipline of upbringing.
But can we assume that the necessary qualities will arise in a child by themselves? No, nature lays down only a tendency towards them. The rest is acquired in the process of life, and not only in the direct process of upbringing. Most of the information about the world that is learned in childhood is unconscious. Moreover, this is not only the observation and assessment of some features of the behavior of others. Information comes to the child through all the channels available to him - through touch, smell, hearing, and simply in the form of emotions. Most of this information he is not aware of, but in his relationship with the world - both immediately and later - it plays the most important role.
A boy must feel like a future man and behave accordingly. And in order to successfully play the natural role assigned to him, it is important for him to have an internal standard of masculine behavior. And first of all, constant
communication with the closest man - with his father is necessary for this.
But for a girl, communication with her father is no less important, because she can most likely understand her femininity, her strengths and weaknesses in communication with him. The first childhood impressions will largely determine the awareness of her role for the future woman, and therefore, will help to naturally build family relationships. And it is very important that the child - regardless of whether he is a boy or a girl - not only has the necessary information about the difference between the articles, but also was raised with respect for the opposite article, knew that men and women in all manifestations of life depend on each other and none of them is self-sufficient. And that they differ not only physiologically, but also psychologically.
But what if fate decreed that your child grows up without a father? Of course, you can read him the necessary books, watch films with him, communicate in an informal setting with a circle of friends, among whom there are men worthy of imitation. You can find and discuss negative examples, those that should not be followed. You can and should give your son to the sports section so that he has the opportunity to temper his character under sensitive male guidance.
All this will certainly be useful. However, nothing can replace constant, daily communication with the father, the same one that affects not only directly, but also on unconscious information channels. However, most of the information about how men are arranged, and the very atmosphere of masculinity will remain inaccessible to the child.
Sometimes the mother in such circumstances becomes overly strict, tries to "not be sentimental" so as not to raise a "mama's son", and even tries to change her feminine type of behavior to masculine. But this, firstly, is unlikely to be completely successful - due to her feminine nature, and secondly, the child will end up deprived of not only paternal, but also maternal attention to the extent that he needs.
Therefore, if it so happened that you are raising your son alone, the most correct thing would be not to try to change your nature, but to remain a woman. However, it is very important, firstly, not to withdraw into yourself, trying to give all of yourself only to the child, and, secondly, not to try to emotionally tie the child only to yourself in blind maternal love - this will further complicate life for both of you.
It will be very good if you manage to organize your life so that the child has a male mentor, to whom he will reach out, appreciate his advice, help and attention, and whom you can completely trust. And if fate gives you the opportunity to create a family with a loved one, do not refuse it "for the sake of the child": such a sacrifice will not benefit him, and all the difficulties in achieving family harmony are surmountable with a common desire.
But it also happens that the biological father is nearby, but his behavior, attitude to the family, to life leaves much to be desired. What if the man is rude and cold, does not consider taking care of the child his duty and in general - drinks and leads a dissolute lifestyle? Well, here we need to seriously think - is it so important that such a father be near the child, and what does the child get
more - good or bad? As a rule, the answer to such a question is the same: having such a father is the same as not having him. Psychologists call this hidden neglect: formally the father is present, but emotionally he is completely removed from the child. It is even worse when the father is already an alcoholic: this disaster irreparably cripples the child's childhood.
In these cases, the woman, of course, is also forced to raise the child alone. And here there is one very important circumstance. In order to properly raise a boy in such a situation and instill in him the necessary traits of masculinity, you must first get rid of the consequences of your negative experience of communicating with men. In any case, try not to vent your anger on a man in front of the child. Otherwise, without noticing it, you will gradually instill in your son that all men are primitive, rude, irresponsible, ungrateful, incapable of love... Moreover, such instillation will occur imperceptibly, unconsciously, simply through everyday behavior. It is clear how this will affect the boy's subsequent adult life. And right now he may have a desire to imitate the female type of behavior and reject the male one, since men are "bad". After all, every child has a huge thirst to love his parents, and in this case it will be important for him to bring joy to his mother, to be "beautiful" in her eyes. Yes, of course, the absence of a father gives rise to many problems. And the mother will not be able to completely replace him. So let's go back to what was said above: the best thing you can do for your child in this regard is to provide him with the opportunity to constantly communicate with one of the men in your close circle, whose positive qualities inspire you with complete trust.