If the child is very active
A child was born in a young family. A desired, long-awaited one. The parents are delighted with literally every movement of the baby. Indeed, she is so mobile, so lively, - she can't even stand diapers, every now and then she manages to get out of them and, if you don't look closely, she lies not like all babies - wrapped up, but in her own way - with her bare bottom up on a pile of crumpled underwear, which has just been so carefully ironed...
Time flies, and now the lively child leaves the confines of the crib. Then the "fun" begins. It seems that there is nothing left in the house that wouldn't fall, break, shatter, spill. Hiding something becomes a problem - but the child is still a "slider", moving on all fours. Then - more. At three years old, it is no longer a child, but a "hurricane". It is impossible to keep her in place for more than a few seconds with anything - neither agreements, nor "interest", including books and fairy tales, nor slaps and screams - she does not pay attention to this at all. Peace in the house is now possible only during the child's sleep.
New toys interest the baby exactly until the moment when they turn out to be broken, and this moment comes very soon and somehow by itself. Walking with him on the street is very difficult: more than once he has run away, disappeared from sight in a matter of moments, once he was lost for a long time... In kindergarten, the teachers simply cannot cope with him, and it is natural that no one there receives as many shouts, slaps and punishments as your child gets. And, most importantly, she seems to understand everything, immediately asks for forgiveness, but after five minutes everything is repeated...
Gradually, parents begin to understand that what is happening goes beyond the norm. That it is not only about discipline and shortcomings in upbringing. That their life clearly does not stand up to comparison with the life of other familiar families with children. And finally, the realization comes that it is necessary to turn to medical specialists.
And doctors - neuropathologists and psychologists make a diagnosis: hyperdynamic syndrome. It turns out that neither the baby nor the parental upbringing are to blame - the reason is completely different. Medicine cannot yet explain this reason exactly, but it has been proven that it is associated with very small, but very numerous microbial lesions of the brain. And they arise because the fetus in the womb or during childbirth received a small, microscopic birth injury or simply experienced oxygen starvation. Such injuries most often occur with too rapid or, conversely, prolonged childbirth, especially if the fetus is large. According to statistics, such disorders are found today in every fifth or sixth child. And the hyperdynamic syndrome arising on their basis is recorded in approximately every twentieth child, and significantly, 3-4 times, more often in boys.
That's right. And you spanked, punished the poor baby...
The conclusion is unambiguous: patience, patience and again patience. And also - increased attention and your own literacy, knowledge of what is happening and what, in fact, you should do, since the child's health, primarily mental, will now completely depend on your behavior.
The main signs of hyperdynamic syndrome.
This is primarily overly active, uncontrollable behavior with a complete lack of attention. Such children are more likely to get into accidents than others, since they are not characterized by any caution, they are always malicious violators of discipline, absolutely not wanting it, "unintentionally". They are not available to perseverance, perseverance, the ability to bring something to the end. They are uninhibited in their relationships with adults, they don't know how to play with their peers. During lessons, such a first-grader (and there are always two or three of them per class) sometimes slips under the desk, sometimes can't find a pen or notebook, and most often looks out the window and not at the teacher at all. And at recess, of course, another "little pile" with the "hurricane" child in the center.
Hyperdynamic children do not walk, but run, when communicating they often break down into a scream, especially in an argument. They often quarrel, however, they immediately reconcile. It is absolutely useless to punish them: they immediately easily make all sorts of promises ("I won't do it again", "I didn't want to" ...) and immediately break them just as easily. They easily tolerate any "excommunication" and other forms of punishment, immediately forgetting about them, and in general they are not characterized by any despondency. They are very sociable and communicative, and therefore they have many friends and acquaintances, but with real friends - a problem, strong relationships do not develop.
So how do you deal with your difficult child?
The first rule: when evaluating any, the most terrible actions of a child, do not connect this in any way with an assessment of his personality. After all, sometimes it is difficult to consider the true personal qualities of a child based on hyperdynamic features. The kindergarten teacher sees him as an unbearable mischievous boy, the teacher as an inattentive student who disturbs others, the poor thing is showered with shouts and slaps from all sides - and as a result, the little person begins to believe that he is worse than everyone else, that there is nothing good in him - but the formation of a personality is underway - so what will it be like?
No, everything should not be like that. Scold the child for the act, and only for it. Do not say, even in a fit of anger: "You are so-and-so, normal children do not do that", but say: "You did it badly, don't do it again, I know that you can do everything well". For example, like this: "You ran into the apartment in dirty shoes again, you know that you can't do that!" But not like this: "You ran in in shoes, you are an incorrigible dirty and unkempt person!"
Indeed, your child's character has many virtues: good nature and easygoingness, sociability and generosity, ease of ascent and inexhaustible optimism. These are the qualities to rely on. Do not tire of repeating to your child that all his faults are not yet a personality, that he has virtues that will help him become the way he needs to be.
If someone around you scolds your child precisely for his personal qualities, never join in such an assessment, especially in front of the child. Your child must firmly know that you believe in him and hope for changes for the better. After all, you, the parents, are his only stronghold and protection, you know his true qualities, you see in him a personality that in its own way suffers from reasons beyond his control. And as long as the child knows this, he will retain the desire for self-education.
Be sure to provide the baby with as many opportunities as possible to realize his physical activity. The house should have at least a horizontal bar with rings hanging from it, a ladder or a rope. Let your "hurricane" run around the yard until he is exhausted, let there be yard football, hockey, a slide, and as soon as age allows, be sure to take him to the sports section. Which one - it will not work out right away, because the baby quickly loses interest. Now be persistent here: not one, then another, the third, - but organized classes in active sports should be a must. And do not forget to praise him for the most insignificant reasons. Superficiality is one of the main features of a hyperdynamic child. It is important to know that this also applies to the emotional sphere. That is, if you do not pay attention to this, then the ability to experience any feelings will remain inaccessible to him. You also need to help him with this. Talk to him more about the feelings that you or other people feel (including, for example, the heroes of films or books), explain to him the moral and ethical side of what is happening ("What is good and what is bad"). Gradually, he will get used to analyzing and evaluating something himself. In your case, the usual recommendations "constantly and as early as possible to accustom the child to perseverance and attentiveness" are useless. Directly, "in the forehead", with your child it is impossible. Of course, slowly, for example, with the help of games, something can be achieved, but the main thing is your patience, correct behavior and time. If at five to seven years the hyperdynamic syndrome manifests itself especially acutely, to the point that you simply give up and it begins to seem to you that the child is simply uncontrollable in principle, then with age, under favorable circumstances, the situation smooths out, and by the age of 15-16 hyperdynamic children are practically no different from their peers. Their mobility and increased distraction will not go beyond the norm. Active activities - sports, hiking, discos - will, of course, always be preferable to "sedentary" pastime for them, but these will already be manageable personality traits, which, however, will need to be taken into account when choosing a profession.
The main advice for parents of hyperdynamic children: do not try to restrain your feelings. Even the most Olympic calm will not be enough for such a child. The only thing you will achieve by trying to restrain yourself for years is the emergence of a deep neurosis in yourself, which, as is known, occurs when such emotions are driven deep inside. Remember: you absolutely need to maintain your own health, at least for the sake of your child. If you are angry - say or even shout about it, if you are in despair - let the child see it. And if the baby has pleased you in at least something, rejoice loudly and from the bottom of your heart.